One of the things I have noticed today in society is that everyone has a problem with reality. I do not mean that we are always lying, but we are always afraid to hurt someone's feelings or to get caught in some way in dealing with the person we are talking to or better yet the person we are living with.
Sometimes we are concerned about someone's reaction to us so we bend the truth or wander around trying to find out what that person wants to hear. It becomes a problem in personal relationships when couples are afraid to make their wishes known through fear of separation or divorce. People can have a real problem at work, where the manager may be concerned about the employee's response to a performance appraisal; In education the teacher may be concerned about the response of the learner or parent, and may easily issue marks that are inconsistent with the student's performance.
When I was in high school my counselor called me into his office and gave me marks. He said, "What do you want to do when you graduate from high school?"
I told him I didn't know, and then I breathed a sigh of relief, thinking that I should tell him something else - that I wanted to be a liquor manager, and I told him I wanted to be a lawyer. "Lawyer," he said, pointing to my grades, "These are not lawyers' degrees. If I were you I would start thinking about doing something else." I never had a single word from my father. My supervision made me look at myself in the mirror, and I was able to accept my skills and attitude.
He told me the truth, and I appreciated that. Yes, in 1977 my father sold the bar, and I became a teacher the same year. I really enjoyed teaching. Most of my students had a learning or behavioral problem. In fact, my students often had serious moral problems at school and could come to me some days. But all in all I had relationships with the kids, and things seemed to be going very well.
As I continued my work I saw that things were changing. I was expected to tolerate a lot of behavioral problems, and everyone was giving me excuses for the child’s misconduct. The catchy phrase that seemed popular about 20 years ago was, I really like this kid, but I don’t like his behavior. Was this true? I do not think so. Is it really possible to love someone and not like their behavior? The fact is that we do not like people because of their behavior, and people need to be informed about this reasonably.
Man is his character, and these two cannot be separated. I can give you the names of famous people in the community for complete deviance, and tell me you like them, but not their behavior. Let's try Charles Manson, Scott Peterson, Jeffrey Dame, or Adolph Hitler. Is there anyone who doesn't like their behavior but still loves them as human beings? No, we do not like time. Our attitude toward a person is based on his or her conduct. The fact is that if the behavior is not favorable, we will probably not like the person. People need to know that if their behavior does not change, then some will not want to build a meaningful relationship with them, and ultimately will not like them.
Recently a student came into my office (I was working as a part-time principal) and started talking to me about what he wanted to do after graduating from high school. He wanted to be a doctor That's a scary goal for a young man. I asked him what he found in his SATs. You told me you got about 400 in each category. I thought in my mind that the total is 800 points in each section, and the best points are about 650 to 700. I knew something right away; he could not be my doctor.
Not only that, but I went on to produce his marks and found that his mathematical and scientific marks were C and D. I really wanted to answer the same question that my mentor asked me. Does this look like a grade for doctors? However, based on the traditions and customs of the community, I could not ask that question. I immediately directed this student to the requirements to enter the colleges they have through their pre-med program, and finally medical school. He found the truth on his own, and he came back to me and thanked me for helping him see that his reading skills needed to be developed, and that he needed to pick up and retake college boards.
The truth has made him aware of his weaknesses and how much he must work hard to achieve his goals. The public seems to want to withhold the truth and make everyone believe that it is right even if their behavior does not exist. Society makes everyone believe that they are smarter than themselves and that their behavior is caused by their condition, nature, or lack of medication or medication. Facing the truth about my skills and the way I worked put me in line and helped me choose a good job and helped me realize that I needed to improve my career. After that, instead of living a miserable life from one job to another, I worked hard at college, graduate school, and became a worker.
So the next time your kids come home and say that their teacher told them to work hard, or that their work is not acceptable, or that their behavior is unacceptable, or that they think it's better to go to a regional college than Dartmouth, thank you teacher for doing so.
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